General Distrust and Diffiuclty getting Adequate Treatment for Medical Concerns

An overall view

Seeking help for medical issues can very tricky, especially for empaths, or even anyone who has experienced trauma. You do not present the same way everyone else does and it appears not only confusing for medical professionals but also challenging for them and their patients. I am one of those people as well. I hope that you can gain some insight and perhaps understanding into how this occurs as well as possible things to do to help you get the treatment you need to be healthy and well.

I published a video on You Tube 2 years ago called “You Are Not Crazy Because the Drs Can’t Find Out Your Problems:” https://youtu.be/a0H_Jc3yu78. When I made the video it was under my name Michelle Adler and I was speaking as a Mental Health Licensed Practicing Counselor (LPC) in the State of Pennsylvania. It was of the first videos I’ve ever made so please be gentle. I did share some of my experiences, tips, conclusions that I have come to, and hopefully validation for others who have gone through the same.

I cannot begin to tell you how many people, in my private practice as a therapist, have told me their experiences, as well as friends, and family members, and acquaintances on Facebook. I often get message through Facebook to ask me how I was able to get through to get the appropriate medical care. I keep telling people that if you have something that isn’t getting resolved, treated, or healed and you continue to have concerns, first and foremost KEEP TRYING TO SEEK HELP. Please do not stop because you did not get it the first time, the second, third, or however many times you need to go! Not all doctors graduate at the top of their class (thank you to my Dad for that insight!), not all doctors are well, there’s this “standard of care” thing, and just overall lack of knowledge.

I will also tell you up front that I recently took a training for my LPC (continuing education credits) and it appeared to be an issue for the trainer. She pointed out two reasons: 1. Somatic issues (anxiety based mental health disorders) on the rise since the beginning or COVID and 2. a general distrust for medical professionals in general. I did not see it as my place and the time to bring up my history. She was so brilliant and accomplished, she has been on 5 TED TV talks, that I did not want to take time to debate or discuss this issue. I have my own theories and I am going to share them in this article. They also relate and build off the first article I published: https://healerthatwaswounded.com/uncategorized/defining-narcissism-or-narcissist-as-a-healer/

Let’s back-up and discuss the issue at hand first

I want to discuss more specifically what I am speaking of and what I am not speaking of. By no means do I want to bore you, but I feel it’s important to have an agreed upon definition first. I am talking about people who seek medical treatment over and over and over again without finding doctors, medical professionals, or others listening and hearing their concerns. They find out later they have had a specific medical problem that no one could figure out.

There are some people who fear they have a medical problem, but lack the symptoms to show that there is indeed a medical problem. That can become very confusing and difficult. It can be very hard for people who believe this to hear and understand that they do not have a medical condition. It is linked to a mental health disorder.

It becomes a mental health disorder when it 1. cuts across all areas of your life 2. when the anxiety is higher than the consequences of the current illness and 3. when a multitude of doctors cannot find any medical concerns. Here is a link for somatic disorders: https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/somatic-symptom-disorder/what-is-somatic-symptom-disorder .There has been a significant rise in these recently because of COVID-19.

So how do these differ? You may be experiencing symptoms that have no explanation. You may be having all these tests without answers. If you have symptoms that differs from worries or concerns that something will/could get worse. When we are worried that can be anxiety or even a negative thinking pattern. Symptoms need answers. Worrying is our thoughts. That’s how I think about to determine if it’s anxiety or medical issue that I need to keep trying to get figured out.

So what are some reasons why Drs. are not figuring things out?

There are many different reasons why Drs. cannot be picking up on a medical issues. These are some of the things I have been looking at/thinking about:

• It could have to do with the laboratory tests from medical professionals or ER. 1. The labs are interpreted by statical norms. Are those norms you norms? What I have learned is the more sensitive you are the more it makes a difference to you for being slightly off in your labs. This article explains: https://www.testing.com/articles/laboratory-test-reference-ranges/ It also depends on the lab. Not all labs preforms tests the same and can have errors: https://www.blallab.com/blog/blood-test-results-vary-with-different-labs. What does this look like? My labs are usually always within normal range even when I have been really ill. You can compare them at different times if you have them to compare to one another and knowing when something was wrong helps. Some labs don’t tell them what they need to know for specific issues. Sometimes we need different tests. Keep asking questions and seeking answers.
• It could have to do with the radiologist and how they are reading your tests, even their biases. The original show I saw was based on this article: http://nbcnews.com/health/health-news/doctor-reading-your-x-rays-maybe-not-flna1c9453639 But since it is from 2013, I have included an updated one as well: http://diagnosticimaging.com/view/has-burnout-become-an-epidemic-in-radiology- What does this look like? In reading the radiologist report of the testing I noticed they were commenting on an entirely different area than where I was experiencing pain. I also started to notice comments personally related to me and not factual about what they were seeing. Two other medical professionals also confirmed that they saw the issue I was experiencing very clearly. I know now to get a second opinion at that specific hospital affiliation.
• The mental health of the medical professional you are seeing. 1. They are human and especially throughout seeing so many different people and now they have been experiencing a lot of compassion burnout due to COVID-19 experiences and working conditions. 2. I do notice that there is an ego issue sometimes when I tell them my ideas 3. If they have attachment issues, as I mentioned in previous article, they will blame you (this is actually easier to spot for me) or use other toxic tactics 4. In therapy we would call it Countertransference, it means that your own issues and experiences are overshadowing your judgement. 5. I have been seeing articles and hearing about Drs being fearful to have a mental health record that their licensing board has access to: http://washingtonpost.com/outlook/2020/05/11/mental-health-doctors-covid/ I have seen medical professionals in my private practice for therapy who are not afraid and feel that they only reason they should worry is if they are not well and practicing without seeking help. My licensing board for mental health is the same way. I see a therapist regularly. I want to be the best I can be for my people I see. 6. Medical professionals work very long hours and see patients back to back or even several at a time plus take on call and/or whatever else they do. They are notorious for not taking care of themselves. The medical professionals I see tell me about how exhausted they are and al the shifts they have to work. For nurses, unions are very important I have found. The union helps protect them in most cases from working too many long hours at a time, getting paid less than they should, and helps protect them overall from many draining stressors from their employers. I will comment what this looks like in another section because it is so lengthy.

• There are differences in how I see my husband gets treated being as male, then I am treated and listened to as a female. What does this look like? Husband gets a hemorrhoid, is admitted and given strong pain meds every 2 hours. I have kidney stones stuck over the Christmas holidays and have to go at least 2-3 times to the ER before they even give me pain meds and send me back home. Blood pressure was extremely high and I could hardly walk. Had to fight with Urologist and finally went back to the ER and they gave me a CT scan with dye that pushed the stones out!!! YAY for me, finally!
• Not every medical professional graduates at the top of their class. Grades do not make a great medical professional, but my point is that in every profession, we have people at different levels of ability and functioning. Because they are a medical professional does not mean they are good, the best, the best to help you. Think critically about the match you make with them. We talk about matching with professionals more in mental health. Why not in the medical field as well. What does this look like? Going to get a second opinion and realizing that the medical professionals I was going to are not up to date with the latest treatment.
• Anyone who is considered an empath- usually has 1. High tolerance for pain. 2. Very sensitive and perceive pain in very specific places internally (most people just feel an area or deferred pain, not us!) 3. You may present much different than others 4. May be more factual and honest about symptoms (that definitely throws most people in general off, lol) 5. Usually have some sort of trauma history that can make all of these happen and we look pretty anxious 6. About the point where you mention energy, tarot cards, astrology, crystals, herbal treatments, or anything along those lines you’re sunk lol. I will also comment on this in another section due to length.
• If you have diagnosis of two or more medical issues that can from inflammation (lung/breathing issues, arthritis, eczema, psoriasis, chronic pain, reproductive issues, cancer, immune deficiencies, reaction to food or medications, etc.) Inflammation is caused from trauma. Medical professionals often assume you have mental health issues. You may or may not, but they way they treat you after this assumption is made is the issue.
• Medical professionals are trained to meet people, assess, diagnosis, treat people. They do this very quickly and some do not have patience for a long drawn out discussion or medical history recap. They listen for the first couple minutes and then they are out. What does this look like? I checked my medical summary after seeing a particular medical professional and she noted that I did not have a fever (I had told her I did), I was experiencing no daily functioning issues (I told her I could not get out of bed for two days), and finally summed it up by saying that if symptoms got worse such as fever and difficulty getting out of bed to seek ER/ED (I had all of those and told her, but she did not seem concerned or to even hear me!).

• Not all medical professionals are specialists in a particular field. I have found that especially in the ER/ED they are always trained in certain areas of medicine. How can anyone possibly know everything they need to know. They are human too. Again, there are plenty of medical professionals in every area to go to. What does this look like? You are explaining classic symptoms of a particular issue and they are acting as if you have three eyes.
• Insurances are managing our care. Medical professionals are limited by what they can do and in what order they do things through the insurances. They do not always tell you, can tell you, or have time to explain. I have seen some really great medical professionals work around the system to get the best care for their patients. What does this look like? This can be hard to know. Sometimes I have asked several people in the place I’m at why the outcome of the appointment turned out this way. They may not know but I would rather ask than not.
• There can be a communication breakdown between you and the medical professional due to race, culture, and levels of socio-economics. Different races can and do communicate in different ways and use different connotation of words. I am hyper aware of this in therapy. I always ask people what their symptoms means so that they we are both on the same page. People from a more rural area can be less trusting of medical professionals and seek medical attention less. Urban folks are usually more up to date on preventative care and seek medical health often. Certain religions such as the Amish do not seek medical attention unless it is very serious. Some people prefer more alternative and natural remedies. Medical professionals are human too. They can miss these issues at times.
• Flying monkeys approach is when people pull in others to be against you and with them. The idea is for you to feel outnumbered and give in to what they are saying. This can be voluntary or involuntary (God is an involuntary flying monkey and another medical professional that comes over to you with the one you are working with is a voluntary flying monkey). What does that look like? “I’ve talked to all the other drs and they all agree that there’s no kidney stones (sure were kidney stones and they were ALL wrong)”
• Character assassination is also a toxic tactic. They may look at your previous medical history and try to get you to think you are wrong, being emotional, or anxious. The idea is to throw you off your center and to felt disoriented and confused. What does it look like? “Before when you were here it looks like you did not have …. as you thought you did.” “I see you have a trauma history, could this be anxiety (not meant as a serious questions, but disorients, confuses your personal truth, and makes you question yourself)?”

What could I do differently?

• Are you sticking to the facts? Or is there a lot of emotion surrounding this concern? Facts state what is going on and emotions are how we feel about everything, including our worries, fears, and concerns.
• Are you being triggered by the medical professional you are seeing. Maybe in the past you were not treatment fairly or appropriately. Maybe they missed things. They could have been invalidating or blaming. They could have been unhealthy and you were on the receiving end or the collateral damage of their untreated or untaken care of issues. When we are triggered by a trauma from the past, we could be feeling things as though they are happening in the current situation. This is our brains being involuntarily triggered to help protect us. Flight, fight, freeze, fawn. You do not get to choose.
• Are you open to hearing what the medical professional has to say? I know when I haven’t been treated well for whatever reasons, it’s hard to be open to hearing what another medical professional has to say. Why are you going then? We have to keep trying and keep trying to be open. That does not mean blindly trust.
• When you are going into an appointment, are you looking for a specific outcome? If we get too attached to a certain outcome others can feel it too even it is subconsciously. When we get attached to certain outcomes we are in our own ways. We are going to medical professionals for help so we need to let go of our expectations.
• Talking too fast with too much information is never good. Medical professionals are trained to meet, assess, diagnosis, treat. too much information and energy is overwhelming for everyone.

Looking for red flags

Over the years I have developed a check list in my head to look out for medical professionals that may not be a good match for me. I tried to give some examples of what things can look like but there are two areas I feel need more room for further explanation. I tried to put them into categories.

Mental health issues for medical providers:

• Compassion burn out- “You are still alive aren’t you?” “It’s ok if you are allergic, we can bring you back.” Not taking you seriously, invalidating you have something medically going on that needs attention.
• Ego triggering- “Are you a Dr?” “Stop googling your symptoms (which isn’t always a good idea anyhow)” Spending a significant time telling you the same thing over and over again. Spending a significant time telling you why you are wrong. Medical professionals just laughing when you tell them something that you think could be a possibility.
• Attachment issues (gas lightening/blaming you)- pointing out that you are overweight and that is the root of many of your medical issues. If you could just watch what you eat and exercise (eye rolling and wanting to scream!) as if that’s all there is to weight loss or medical issues they do not know how to treat. Asking you why you waited so long to seek medical help (I actually overheard a triage nurse telling a gentleman this when he said he thinks he’s having a heart attack…we are way past that now lady!). Telling you that because you did not follow their specific orders you are worse (maybe spend time understanding why or how to overcome these obstacles).

• Countertransference is hard for us to see especially in the moment, you may never know because it is so personal, but you have not done anything wrong or to warrant their behavior
• Medical professionals needing to seek mental health treatment is the same as above, you did not do anything to cause or warrant their behavior towards you.
• Medical professionals working long hours- I notice this when I see medical professionals who look disheveled, red eyes, circles under their eyes, seem distracted and frustrated, unkempt (dirty fingernails, messy hair, very wrinkled clothes), have no idea who I am when I have seen them before, seem confused in general, short tempered, etc.
• We look anxious because of previous trauma- “Slow down” “You seem really anxious” They give you anti-anxiety medication, they only see mental health issues and not any psychical/medical issues

Difficulty empaths have seeking medical treatment

• High tolerance for pain- when you have had a lot of trauma you get used to not living in your body, so you tolerate pain differently. I usually add two to their pain scale of 1-10. “If you were really in that much pain you wouldn’t have walked in here (only way I go to ER/ED)” “You are ok, you can…” “If it were broken you couldn’t…”
• Ability to feel pain in specific organs- “No one can feel their …(specific organ)”. “You don’t know where…is” “It’s probably…(organ or issue near by)”
• Presenting differently than others- “it’s almost statistically impossible for that to happen (I actually heard this about having kidney stones in both kidneys at the same time…long medical history of it!!)” “That’s not symptoms I’ve heard of”
• More factual and honest than others- they do not believe you, they look puzzled, they ask you the question several times
• Mentioning tarot, astrology, crystals, herbal treatments- sometimes no reply, they laugh, they look at you like you have spikes coming out of your eyes lol, they dismiss what you are saying

Other red flags to look out for:

• If the supportive staff is unhealthy, rude, upset, negative vibe something is up
• Sometimes you may find you have difficulty understanding them, they are not clear, they tell you a plan of attack and keep changing it
• Some medical professionals do not have a good bedside manner but are very good at what they do, some medical professionals are just not pleasant, some are great at both…I don’t prefer not to have pleasant lol and sometimes I’m alright with crappy bedside manner if they are good at what I need help with, up to you, but worth mentioning
• You only ever see a student, resident, or PA. Your insurance is paying for the visit the same
• If the facility is not clean
• If you do not feel they are listening to you, getting what you are saying, or even care (sometimes we do not have the language or may have difficulty expressing why we do not like people)
• You have a gut feeling it’s not a good fit. I believe we know and sometimes we have anxiety, but I would rather be anxious than ignore my inner wisdom/intuition

How can I stand in my power?

Standing in your power is tricky. You want to set clear expectations, protect yourself, and hopefully create a better experience. You are balancing this with staying in your personal integrity, your morals of being a kind and compassionate person, trying to maintain your empathy, and also not pissing off the masses. To live in a world when I can factually tell everyone what their issues are and they apologize and go work on them is never gonna happen. Here’s my thoughts. Remember you reap the consequences to whatever you decide. Not anyone else.

The following ideas/options are in response to all of what I have mentioned about medical professionals and our own issues:

• You can just stopped talking during encounters with medical professionals when you think you cannot say anything civil or nice, like when you are in a lot of pain and you are just trying to maintain
• You can call them out and/or ask if they would like to start over again
• You can always leave
• Bring someone with you to help you see what’s going on through someone else’s perspective, to back you up, help remind you or medical professionals if you freeze, witness any wrong doings, etc.
• Write down your symptoms in a brief and direct form so you can remember and planned so you do not talk a lot or ramble or forget
• Sometimes you can listen and treat it like a buffet, just take what you need or works for you and leave the rest
• Can seek a second opinion or specialist, or someone known in that field that is well respected and knows the latest research and treatments
• You can ask questions to others in your area about specific medical healthcare people to see how their experiences were. You would be surprised how many people have had similar problems that never reach online reviews
• Go to a teaching hospital or affiliate (In Western PA I like Pittsburgh, PA and Cleveland Clinic-good reputations and cutting edge technology
• Ask to specifically see a Dr verses a PA. If you have had problems before you need a Dr. and right now most people see students, residents or PAs because its cost effective and time saving
• You can stay in your appointment, be polite and never return or follow up with them
• You never have to take any medications you do not want to not matter what medical professionals tell you (unless court order or on an involuntary mental health commitment)
• You are always in charge of your medical decisions as well so you can always say “no,” “I’d like to think about it/research on my own,” or “I think I would like a second opinion”
• With any business, the medical field is not exempt to good customer services, we do not have to put up with any negative, mean, inappropriateness EVER! You can write reviews, report to the overseeing hospital, complain to their board, etc.
• There are different kinds of medical providers: conventional Dr offices, clinics, ER/ED, Functional Medical Dr, Naturopathics, Herbalists, Natural Healers, Reiki, Alternative medicines, etc.
• Sometimes going to a therapist for mental health can help you sort through past difficulties in hopes to have better experiences.

In conclusion

You do not have to settle for medical professionals not providing you proper, well mannered, adequate health care. You are not alone. The power of consumerism is how we change what we accept and do not accept from our medical professionals. You deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, competent, and skillful/up to date medical treatment. No one deserves to be treated poorly, made to feel invalidated, ashamed, make you question your personal truth, and no one knows your body better than you. Stand in your power and reclaim control over your medical experiences. We cannot make them perfect, but we can work on seeking care that is professional and competent. Even if your medical experience is not what you expected, does not mean that is where it ends. There are many possibilities and alternatives out there. I wish you the very best! Love and Light!